consecutive madness

I eat my lunch at 12:34 PM every day. I’m usually feeling a bit tired by then, having been up for five hours and eight minutes already and only having gotten four hours and twenty-two minutes of sleep. The sleep depravity is due to a condition I have. I can only do things at those points of the day, or night, when the ordinals on a digital clock are in consecutive order. Thus, I go to bed as 12:34 AM and arise at 4:56 AM. If I just can’t drag myself out of bed that early, I’ll stay there until 9:10 AM (9:10 is stretching the rules, I know, but sometimes I have to), but then I’m late for work because I can’t start my car until 10:11 (stretching it again) and can’t clock in until 12:34. It throws my whole day off and ticks off my boss. So I usually arise at 4:56, without fail.

So why don’t I just go to bed at 9:10 or 10:11 or 11:12? Well, I guess I could, since I sometimes justify sneezing or using the restroom at those times, but every time I’ve tried it in the past, I can’t sleep—I just lie there feeling guilty. So I wait, standing by my bed wake-weary with blood shot eyes and drowsy head, until 12:34, and then I can rest my head with an easy, ordered conscience: all my ducks in a row.